Yearview Mirror: Year 35

Tomorrow is my 36th birthday. If I’m being totally honest, this one has me a little freaked out. I’m closer to 40 than 20. I have aches and pains that are just…there. Aging gracefully is really hard.

But as I sit here, on my birthday eve, I’m reflecting on everything this past year has brought me. And my blessings are tremendous.

Since turning 35 I have: taken my first family vacation with my family nucleus. It was an adventure for sure, but we made so many memories and had so much fun! Bought a new car. Gotten promoted; received a raise; and become a mom of two.

And that was all before December!

More than anything, this past year has shown me how strong I am. And how weak. How flexible I am. And how unyielding. How carefree I am. And how anxious.

It’s shown me all of my flaws and failures. As a human. A friend. An employee. A wife. A mom.

I’m not a patient person. I’m an increasingly absent friend. I am a distracted, being-pulled-in-too-many-directions-at-once employee. I am a weekend wife. I am a just-do-what-I-asked mom.

But I’m also a deeply empathetic person. The friends that I’m not seeing? I’m thinking of them constantly. I’m a passionate employee who advocates for her clients and pushes boundaries, processes, and status quos to get things done. I love my husband more each day and he’s always the first person I want to share things with. I read everything I can get my hands on to learn how my kids’ brains are currently working and developing so I can adjust my mindset to their level; so I can choose the right words to get the desired outcome I want.

This year has taught me that I am an impatient, anxiety-riddled, second guessing, type-a perfectionist who has had to let go of her expectations of what a clean house looks like. Who has had to prioritize the importance of everything around her. Who has had to learn to say no to things. Who has had to really dig and redefine what success looks like in every aspect of her life. Who has had to come to the realization that whatever those new definitions look like, achieving them all at the same time, consistently, isn’t a sustainable thing.

And above all else, this year has taught me that if I just dive in to what these new definitions look like, I’ll realize that 35 was a really damn successful year and that while I am still pretty freaked out about 36, something tells me it’s about to be the best year yet.

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