This past year has shown me how strong I am. And how weak. How flexible I am. And how unyielding. How carefree I am. And how anxious. Continue reading
What a difference a year makes.
This time last year I was not looking forward to Mother’s Day. Not because I don’t have wonderful women in my life worth celebrating, but because at the time I was in the midst of an infertility struggle that I hadn’t planned on ever experiencing and the pain of celebrating all of the awesome moms in my own life and not being part of the celebration was almost unbearable.
I did all of the things I normally do on Mother’s Day; went to church, called my Mom, spent the afternoon with my in-laws and sent messages to all of my girlfriends who were celebrating their Mother’s Day with their own children.
And I spent a lot of time crying. Crying because I was celebrating and not being celebrated. Crying because I was giving gifts to mothers and not being given gifts. Crying because yet another box of unsolicited baby formula had shown up at my house and reminded me again that the baby I wanted didn’t exist.
Needless to say, it was a long and painful day. And I felt so selfish for those feelings. But, they were there.
This year, I’m 18 days away from becoming a first-time mom. I’ll do everything I did last year, but this time any tears will be tears of joy and gratitude instead of ones of pain and longing.
So to all the moms out there; the veterans, the first timers and the moms-to-be, a very happy Mother’s Day.
And to everyone for whom this day is a painful reminder of something lost or unfulfilled, I wish you the day you desire and the peace you need to get through today.
Hurting in the struggle | “Some months my struggle is harder than others. May it was particularly painful. a lot of my friends were celebrating their very first Mother’s Day, and I was not.” Continue reading
Sometimes all it takes is a gentle nudge from the universe and your entire perspective about a situation changes.
I’ve been experiencing a really trying challenge lately and it has been incredibly frustrating on every front; emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. I’m not going to elaborate on the challenge, because this isn’t about that. It’s about my mindset and focus shift.
But last week while I was driving home from work and dwelling on this challenge I turned the radio on in the car and received the gentlest of nudges. The host of the radio show told a story about a woman who was also experiencing a challenge and instead of praying and asking God to help her through her challenge, she woke up everyday and thanked God for what she wanted the outcome to be. And eventually, it came true! In her case, she needed some extensive dental work. So every morning she would wake up and say “Thank you Lord for my new teeth.”
Her attitude in the story made my ears perk up and made me sit taller and *listen.*
Then a couple days later, while still dwelling on my challenge and how I was going to get through it, a song came on the radio and I felt as if the song was being sung directly AT me. And then a second song. And then a third. All in a row; without commercials or interruptions.
There was a scripture passage that said “give thanks to God in all things.” Our minister made a huge clarification though, he made sure we understood the difference between FOR all things and IN all things.
He said he knows it’s hard to be thankful FOR the hard times, but we should still be thankful IN them.
Which really made me think about my challenge. Am I thankful FOR the challenge, no. Not at all. But, I am shifting my thinking about it. I am thankful IN the struggle. Because I know that once I’m through it, the outcome will be much more meaningful and blessed because I really had to struggle to achieve it.
So, thank you God for the outcome I desire but haven’t yet achieved. Thank you for guiding me through the challenge and reminding me that patience is needed in all things. And thank you for your unending love and wisdom, and for the ability to recognize Your presence in my day to day.